Eden

Her heart was in a rush, like that day, when she ran the last few meters of her school running race. That was years ago… Now there was cold water from the shower rushing down her body but it somehow seemed warmer than the rain outside. Her cell phone vibrated for the umpteenth time in the last hour, threatening to fall off the corner of the table, but to no avail. She breathed in spasms as the cold water washed away the grime from her body.

“Mom”, she yelled from the bathroom. “Towel on the door handle, child!” she heard her mom say from the kitchen. “She’s making something nice!” she told herself as she wrapped herself in the towel. She tiptoed to her room, the chill of the floor pricking her. Hurriedly getting into whatever she could find, she ran to the kitchen.

Her mom hit her hand gently as she tried to steal the salad that she was cutting. She giggled and still managed to grab a part of it. “You’ll never change, will you Michelle?” Her mom said, remembering that she would always do this as a child. They sat together at the dining table. It was a late Sunday afternoon and she had spent the whole morning sleeping. A cool breeze blew in through back door in the kitchen, the light diminishing as clouds engulfed away the sun. This was her favorite part of the week; the cool countryside, away from all the hectic city life at work and late afternoon lunch with just them two ladies.

“You’ve grown thin child. Eat more.” Her mom said.

“No mom. My pants don’t fit anymore.”

“We’ll buy new pants then. You eat. ” She said, chuckling.

“Ma I bought a pair. They were okay when I tried them at the shop but now they seem tight. You buy for me, they always fit!” She grinned showing all her teeth.

“You’re old enough to have a daughter of your own.” Her mom replied knocking her on the head.

“I will take care when I have one.” She said, giving another of her full teeth grin.

“Are you still angry with me about that day?” Her mom asked.

Michelle looked at her mom, a frown on her face as she swallowed her food, trying to remember which day she was referring to.

“That day, papa and I forgot your birthday? You were little back then but I just remembered this today. You wouldn’t talk to us for days.”

“Yeah. I’m still angry.” She said but couldn’t help but laugh.

Her mom came closer to her, running her hand along her hair. “I know I hurt you sometimes. I’m imperfect but I always tried to make choices that were right for you. We have things we don’t want to remember but you know I always loved you right?”

She didn’t know what to say. She held her mom close, resting her head against her bosom. Her mom had taught her to be a strong woman, sometimes leaving her alone with her struggles so that she could work herself out of them but always looking out for her nevertheless. It is said that a mother sees herself in her daughter, like a younger image of herself, like a map of her own character in a separate entity. Ever since her first baby steps to the gush of troubling emotions in teenage to the day when she has to leave home and embrace another family. She teaches her, grooms her, fights with her, but loves her more than ever.

“Ma… Rain!” Michelle exclaimed, bolting out of the back door into the courtyard.

“Michelle, the clothes on the line. Get them!” Her mom ran out with her.

She pulled her mom by the hands to dance in the rain.

Her cousins were out in the courtyard. “Michelle!” They called out to her. “What are you doing?” The rain seemed to fade as she laughed with her mom. Her neighbors and friends from her college were around too. She looked at all of them, wondering why they were all in the courtyard of her house. “Are you alright?” her friend asked, holding her. She looked around. “Mom where are you?” They were telling her something. Their voices seemed to fade. She could hear them call her name. She couldn’t find mom. There were no clothes on the line. There was no rain. Everyone looked at her so gravely. She pushed them away, screaming at them. “Michelle… Mom’s gone. It’s almost been a week.”  Her friend told her, shaking her, trying to make her snap out of it.

“No. She made it. She said she will call me. That’s what she said.” Gasping for breath, she inched farther away from them into the backyard, trying to find her phone. “No! She’s going to call me again.” Looking at them, trying to convince them. She screamed at them in disbelief. She heard her scream as if she didn’t realize herself doing it. Tears lashed out of her eyes. Her voice faded… She fell to the ground and remembered no more…

She snapped as there was a sudden crash of her cell phone to the floor. There were goose bumps all over her body. She was still at the shower, too cold to even sob. “You alright in there?” Her cousin said, knocking on her door. There was grime all over the tub and the bathroom floor from her fall in the courtyard earlier. She grabbed a towel from the stand and walked out of the bathroom, shivering uncontrollably.

The sky was a distant hue of blue. The sun inching down with practiced bravado. The church gong echoed in the distance as she stood before her mom’s grave. She removed the withered flowers that lay there, tears glimmering in her eyes. “I won’t cry. She wouldn’t want me to cry”, she told herself trying to fight back the tears.

“There are no accidents… There are no straight lines… There are no secret ingredients… Everything was just meant to happen”, mom would say. You just believe in a path with all your heart; you spend years toiling, dreaming and often wondering what it will all lead to. And it all boils down to the ‘one’ day when you look back at the choices you have made.

A tear drop trailed off her face, falling onto her mom’s gravestone. She had her mother’s eyes. She could see herself in the reflection on the smooth stone. It almost felt like her mom looking back at her. “Mom, all your choices were perfect for me. I just never realized…” her voice trailed as she shuddered, memories flooding over her. There was an engulfing silence for a few moments, as if even nature could apprehend the sadness in her. “I’m so lost without you ma…” she said. Lovingly, she ran her fingers over her mom’s name and the words engraved on the stone. It read, “Always loving, always loved… our hero forever…”

Thunder roared behind her as she stood up to leave. There was a storm coming, she knew. But her mom had prepared her for it…